


you know the way that i hide

by caffeinatedhomo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Hux, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Soft Kylux, Top Kylo Ren, hux is In Denial™, i mean there's definitely still porn but it's soft porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 03:59:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8271934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinatedhomo/pseuds/caffeinatedhomo
Summary: "This is supposed to just be sex. This isn't supposed to matter. Especially not to me."Kylo nods, swallowing harshly. "I know.""But it does," Hux stammers, disgusted with himself even as the words spill out.Kylo smiles. "I know."Hux climbs back onto his lap, slowly. "Make me forget about it."





	

**Author's Note:**

> there's not really any bdsm in this fic, but it's mentioned a couple of times, so watch out if that's not your thing
> 
> title from Cocoa Hooves by Glass Animals

Sometimes when he finishes his shift, Hux will come back to his quarters to find Ren waiting for him.

He does not to know why it started, or why it continues. If nothing else, he assumes it is a kind of stress relief, the way Ren tears into him. It has been 13 cycles since the last Kylo Ren induced incident on the ship, and Hux likes to think he has something to do with it. That's the only reason he allows it to happen. Not because the sex is great.

The sex is adequate.

Ren is rough, just the way Hux likes, and he leaves bruises and bite marks in his wake. Hux leaves his fair share too, bite marks scattered over Ren's pecs and strong neck. He smacks Ren around, though it's more of a reward than the deterrent it's meant to be. Their couplings always leave Hux with bloody knuckles, tangled hair, and a barely concealed peace. He enjoys the calmness that it brings out in Ren and the decreased amount of destruction. Not the act itself. Never.

When Hux steps through his door to find Ren already waiting for him, he is not excited. He does not look forward to these meetings whatsoever. He cocks his head questioningly at Ren, waiting to hear what he has come to relieve. Normally he'll gripe about training or Snoke for a while before they start, but now he just shakes his head. "Come here," he says quietly.

Up close, Hux can see the dark bags under his brown eyes and the mottled color of his lips. He isn't worried, doesn't feel a flare of panic deep in his chest. He doesn't think about how he can help. He only pushes Ren back onto the bed and climbs on top of him, quickly divesting himself of everything but his boxers. Ren traces his hands over the pale expanse of Hux's skin, pained face slipping into a smile. He pulls his own tunic off over his head and flips them over quickly, thick thighs straddling Hux's narrow hips.

"You don't get to be in control today, Hux." His voice is shaky at first, but he quickly schools it into a calm tone.

Hux frowns. Ren has only taken the reigns once before, soon after his failure and the destruction of Starkiller. It was a moment of weakness for both of them that Hux doesn't like to think about. "Says who?" he retorts, wincing at the childish words.

"Says me."

Hux glares at him. "You have no control over me, Ren."

"Don't I?" Ren trails his fingers up Hux's abdomen to his nipples, tracing circles around them with his thumbs. Hux swallows a gasp.

"No, you don't." He dislikes being teased immensely. Normally it's something he'd spank Ren for. He's content to let him lead, for now, though he's wary of it. Ren lowers his mouth to Hux's chest, sucking marks over his sternum and nipping into the soft skin of his stomach. He seems to get distracted the lower he goes, laving apologetically at the marks now staining Hux's hips.

"You're so small," he comments, sitting up.

Hux has always hated being thin almost as much as he hates people pointing it out. "At least I'm not some big, hulking brute."

"So little," Ren continues, wrapping his hands around Hux's small waist. "I could snap you in half, if I wanted to."

Hux blushes furiously. "As if I'd let a beast like you touch me."

Ren cocks an eyebrow. Hux shoves at his broad chest. "Off."

A pseudo-thoughtful face accompanied by fingers sliding into the waistband of Hux's boxers. "Hmmm. No." _At least he seems to be feeling better now_ , Hux thinks. Not that he cares. He doesn't.

"Off."

"Can you not get me off yourself, little one?"

Hux glares. "I can, but I'd prefer you stop being an ass and get off yourself."

Ren barks out a laugh at Hux's pinched expression. "But then who's gonna get you off?"

Hux rolls his eyes. "Clever as always, Ren. Now get off of me."

"Oh, c'mon, Hux. I know you want this. I can hear it." He taps his temple.

Hux glares harder. _Fucking Force users._

"Awww, look at you," Ren coos. "My tiny little general is angry with me. How ever will I make up for it?" He moves farther down on Hux's body to slip a hand into his underwear.

"Nope."

Hux takes the opportunity to bodily shove him off and roll himself into a blanket. Ren scrambles back onto the bed, kneeling next to the blanket burrito that is now Hux.

"What the fuck?"

He doesn't respond, but doesn't bother hiding his victorious smirk. He can feel Ren looking at him. When he chances a glance, Ren is watching him curiously, looking every bit like a hound trying to figure out how to lure the fox out of his burrow. Hands are on him, then, feeling his body through the thin blanket.

Suddenly he's laughing and gasping loudly, squirming away from Ren's tickling fingers. "F-fucking.... prick, stop, I a- you- fucking stop," he yells out between pants and involuntary giggles. When he kicks his way out of the blanket, Ren finally stops. It takes Hux a minute to compose himself, wiping away tears and fighting off the last peals of laughter. He looks up to see Ren hovering over him.

He's staring at Hux in an odd way that is entirely too soft, eyes wide and lips parted. Like he's something foreign, a curious masterpiece that's just been unveiled. He's about to make a cutting remark to snap him out of it when he's cut off by Ren's lips.

They've never kissed before, never brought it up. Hux had certainly never wished for it, had never once dreamt of it on nights when he slept fitfully, and he was sure Ren hadn't either. Even if they had kissed, Hux knows it wouldn't have been like this. This is unlike anything they've ever done, unlike anything they've ever thought of doing.

This is alright. Ren's lips are soft against his, and he scoops Hux up gently, pulling him up from the bed and onto his lap. Hux allows his hands to curl into Ren's hair, allows himself to melt into the strong body under him. When Ren licks carefully into his mouth, he pulls him closer with a quiet sigh. He gets a little breathy noise in return, and he decides that he wouldn't terribly mind continuing this at about the same time Ren pulls away. Hux barely stops himself from making a completely undignified whining noise. Ren tugs at Hux's underwear again, and he smacks the large hand away. Big brown eyes flick to his, visibly concerned.

"What's wrong?"

Hux huffs.

"We don't have to, obviously. I mean, I just. Thought you liked that. The kissing thing."

"You didn't have to stop. We can kiss and undress at the same time, Ren."

Ren smiles widely, his eyes brightening. "Okay." He reconnects their lips and, finally, gets Hux's boxers off. Hux divests Ren of his clothes quickly, eager to have more skin under his hands. When he settles back onto Ren's lap, they're both panting slightly, and Ren is sighing quietly every time their tongues slide together. Hux grinds on him slowly, wringing out a few quiet moans. He pulls away reluctantly to look at Ren. "Please."

It's a testament to how different this is that Ren doesn't make him wait or tease him, as he always does on the occasions whenever Hux deigns to actually ask for something. Instead he nods, grabs the lube from Hux's nightstand, and quickly slicks his fingers. Hux slips off of his lap and turns around, propping himself up on his forearms and waiting for the welcome feeling Ren's hands on his ass. It doesn't come. When he looks over his shoulder, Ren is kneeling behind him, looking uncomfortable.

"Well?"

"I-I don't want to do it like that."

Hux frowns. "How dyou want to do it then?"

Ren swallows. "I want to see your face."

"Oh."

They've never done this before either. Ren is normally always behind him, and when Hux rides him he makes sure to do so facing away. Handjobs and blowjobs are received with hands covering his face, which is schooled into the blankest expression possible. Something about letting Ren see his face is personal in a way that the rest of it isn't, and even that is too close at times. He doesn't want Ren to see his eyes, doesn't want him to look at him at all.

"Hux? We don't have to, it's st-"

"Yes," he breathes. A wave of panic rolls through him as he turns onto his back, but something settles in his chest and pushes him forward. Absently, Hux thinks that it'd be yellow, this thing, if he could see it. A little yellow light pulsing between his ribs. He pictures it as Ren shuffles closer and props one of Hux's legs up on his shoulder, spreading him. He slips a finger inside of him, slowly, and Hux hisses and throws an arm over his face to conceal himself. This is different. He's always hated Ren's eyes, how he could see every emotion, every thought in them. He can see his eyes, now, see how wide they are, see how they look at him with something too worshipful to be right. He's barely aware of the tiny sounds he's making, soft hitches of breath every time Ren pushes his finger deeper. He can feel Ren slipping into his head like he belongs there, another thing he's always hated. Every time they have sex, Ren gets into his mind, beyond the base level that he's in everyone else's. Hux doesn't hear the little thoughts that Ren has about him, doesn't hear the snippets of _beautiful_ and _perfect_ and _mine_ , and doesn't think about them when Ren leaves his head all too soon.

None of those little thoughts are happening now. He's overwhelmed, instead, with a rush of emotions that are not his. He can't name them all, doesn't even think he can tell if they were good or bad, but he's swept up in them. A second finger presses in, and he whines. "More. Please." Hux hates begging, will rarely do it. He normally prefers to have Ren do all that, prefers to be in control. He's obviously not going to get that this time, but he can't summon the strength to care.

Ren slicks and positions another finger, but pauses. "Let me see you."

"N-no. Ren, please, just get o-"

Ren takes his fingers away.

"No no no no no. No. Fine. Just come back." He pulls his arm away. He can feel Ren's eyes on him as he presses three fingers in, and the yellow light flares in his chest. Every crook of Ren's fingers has him pushing his hips down and moaning, and he fights to keep from covering his face.

"Ren, I-"

A quiet mutter.

"Huh?"

"Kylo."

"Kylo?"

"My name."

"Oh. Yes." Hux considers it for a moment. "Kylo?"

A wide grin splits Kylo's face. "Yeah?"

"I'm ready."

"You sure?"

Hux groans. "Yes, I'm fucking sure."

"Are you sure you're sure?"

There's a playful note to his voice that Hux has never heard before. It erases the tired bags from Kylo's face and makes him look almost happy, an emotion Hux has only seen on him in the manic, "I just killed an enemy" variety. He definitely doesn't like it, and it doesn't make him blush at all. The worry in his stomach doesn't ease at it. Not that he's worried in the first place.

"Yes, I'm sure I'm sure."

"I don't think you are." He presses his fingers deeper, and Hux gasps. "I think this is enough."

Hux whines as Kylo thrusts his fingers slowly, dragging across his prostate. "I'll suck you off, anything. You're not getting anything from this," he points out, panting. "Just p-"

"I get to watch you," Kylo says shyly, brown eyes trained on Hux's blue.

"You can watch me while we fuck, too, idiot," Hux grumbles.

"I'll get too distracted then."

Hux groans loudly. "Your deplorable attention span," he says, pushing Kylo's hand away and sitting up, "is not keeping me from your cock." He puts his hands firmly on Kylo's chest and pushes him down onto the bed. "Stay." He slicks Kylo's cock slowly, swallowing his want to enjoy the little moans that Kylo makes. When Hux moves to straddle him, Kylo pushes him back.

"Hold on." He sits up and scoots until his back rests against the headboard of the bed. Hux looks at him questioningly, but Kylo just pats his lap. He straddles him again and is just starting to lower himself down onto Kylo's cock when he discovers the ulterior motive.

Their faces are barely an inch apart, and Kylo doesn't have to move forward at all to connect their lips. It's different, with the kissing, more intimate. Hux feels more aware of Kylo's hands on him, of the feeling as he takes in Kylo's cock. It's okay, at best. Hux hisses as he sinks down more, and Kylo licks into his mouth comfortingly. He clenches his eyes shut until he's bottomed out, breathing raggedly.

All of the air in his lungs is pushed out when he opens his eyes. Kylo is staring at him, one hand on Hux's hip and the other cupped softly around his jaw. Hux looks away quickly, but the hand guides him back up. "Look at me," Kylo says quietly.

 _I can't_ , Hux thinks. He doesn't trust his mouth to say the correct words, and he knows that Kylo will hear him either way.

"Please." It's a plea, not a demand, and the tone of it shreds through Hux's chest. He glances up, slowly, moving his hands from Kylo's chest to grip his shoulders instead. Kylo is still staring at him as pulls Hux's hips up slightly with one hand and brings them back down, punching a moan out of both of them. Hux tries to control the pace, moving faster, but Kylo's hand digs into his hip and slows him down. He won't let Hux look away, the hand on his face firmly keeping him in place. Hux whines, attempting to get out of both grips.

"Kylo- fuck, Ren, let me g-"

_I love you._

Kylo's voice echoes in his head, and he stops struggling to stare at him as the words register in his mind. _No. No, stop it. No._ He pulls out of Kylo's grip and scrambles off of his lap.

"I know you do too, Hux. I can feel it," he says, voice shaking. "This means something."

"No. I don't. This doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything to me." He can feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes. _Fuck. He knows. He knows and it's going to ruin me, he's going to ruin me. I don't care about him, about this, I don't, I can't- fuck._ He can feel himself panicking, shaking. Kylo's calloused hands smooth along his back and travel up to the back of his head, pulling him close and pressing him down until their foreheads touch. He clumsily wipes the tears off of Hux's face. "It doesn't make you weak, Hux."

_It does. It does. This is mortifying, just stop, let me go, don't m-_

"You can leave, if you want," Kylo says softly. "I won't stop you."

Hux sits, for a moment, thinking about it. He could leave, act like this never happened. Never acknowledge Kylo again, other than when needed for business. Never touch him again. Never wake up to his annoyingly large, overly warm body in his bed. He scrubs agitatedly at the tears on his face. 

"This is supposed to just be sex. This isn't supposed to matter. Especially not to me."

Kylo nods, swallowing harshly. "I know."

"But it does," Hux stammers, disgusted with himself even as the words spill out.

Kylo smiles. "I know."

Hux climbs back onto his lap, slowly. "Make me forget about it."

The smile turns sad, almost, but Kylo complies. He guides Hux back down onto his cock, hands gripping his hips hard enough to bruise. He sets a quick pace, bouncing Hux up and down hard enough to turn loud moans into shouts. He's surprised when Hux leans his head down and captures his mouth, sucking gently on his bruised lip. He groans but doesn't respond, and Hux whimpers. "Kiss me, you- fuck, _there_ \- absolute bastard."

He does, and soon Hux is moaning around his tongue, panting into Kylo's mouth more than kissing. Every move down jars a moan from him, and his thighs are shaking with exertion. Kylo wraps a hand around Hux's leaking cock, stroking roughly in time with his movements. "Fuck- Kylo, I-"

"Shhh," Kylo soothes, other hand leaving Hux's hip to card through his hair. "Come."

A few strokes later, he does, shuddering and slumping onto Kylo's shoulder. He wraps his hands around Hux's waist and starts to move him off, but Hux swats him away. He sits back up and starts moving again, breathing hard and whimpering pitifully when Kylo's cock presses deeper into him.

"Hux, you don't h-"

Hux hushes him with a sloppy kiss, tongue sliding against his lazily. He smirks when Kylo groans loudly into his mouth, encourages it with another sharp drop of his hips. "Want you to come inside me," he whispers, red-faced, and Kylo groans again. He absolutely hates asking for it, hates the way that Kylo smirks at him when he does. He redoubles his efforts nonetheless, moving faster and tightening his muscles around him. Soon enough he has Kylo thrusting up to meet his hips and spilling inside him, moaning brokenly. Hux slides off of him, ignoring his own half-hard cock. He'll make up for it next time.

Next time.

It hits him. There won't, can't be a next time, not with the things he's admitted to. He feels the panic swelling. _Coward, it's not like an orgasm would erase everything. Should've left when you had the chance, he's going to ruin you, you've ruined yourself, fuck fuck fuck. This can't happen again. You have to leave. Now. Go._  A heavy hand settles over his chest. "Stop it."

Hux freezes. _Fuck, he can hear me._

"Of course I can hear you, idiot." The insult is soft, almost a term of endearment. "Now come here."

Hux reluctantly turns over to face him, eyes cast downward. Kylo pulls him close until their bodies press flush against each other. Hux doesn't try to squirm away like he normally does, instead choosing to inch closer.

They don't talk about it, but Kylo doesn't miss the way that Hux toys with his curls in the minutes before they fall asleep. He briefly thinks about saying something, but Hux clears his throat before he can speak.

"I could, um, bring coffee tomorrow? To lunch?" It's not what he means to say, but he can't bring himself to say it out loud. He looks pointedly at Kylo's chest, flicking up to his eyes for only brief seconds. _I love you._

"Lunch?" They never eat together, and Hux can hear the suspicion in Kylo's thoughts.  _You do?_

"Yes. Lunch," Hux says quietly. His voice rises in the wrong places and he scratches nervously at his shoulder. _Of course I do, you brute._

"Okay." Kylo smiles, a broad grin splitting his features.

Hux smiles back. It's timid and tinted with fear, but it lights up his entire face. "Okay."

Kylo uses the force to switch off the lights, and Hux scoots impossibly closer. In the seconds before sleep takes him, he thinks of the little yellow light in his ribs. It's glow is invisible, he thinks, but it brightens something in the dark room.

Sometimes when he gets back from a mission, Kylo will come back to his quarters to find Hux waiting for him. It's not much, but it's a start.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr at hildorien-hux
> 
> hope you enjoyed <3


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